The Mayor And The Tramp
by VexTheVexing
Summary: Emma brings Regina Pocky... Fluffy-ish. SwanQueen oneshot with innuendos everywhere.


**A/N: 'Ello. This is just an idea I got a while back, and I just got around to finishing it. I hope it doesn't disappoint ya.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my own copy of Wicked.**

It was peculiar enough for Emma to show up at Regina's office, much more so without purpose nor accusations. The visitation was entirely random, much to the Mayor's dismay; she liked having things planned out impeccably to quell her need for control.

"Sheriff Swan," Regina began in a condescending tone upon sight of the invading blonde. "What could possibly be so important that you felt the need to show up unannounced, and occupy my valuable time?"Emma merely smirked, intentionally infuriating the brunette.

Moments away from gritting her teeth in irritation, Regina took a breath as she ensured that her flawless mask was in place, giving nothing away. "Miss Swan, not all of us have the luxury to blow off our jobs, and unfortunately-"

"You're on lunch," Emma finished, before the Mayor could spew an excuse to kick her out. "And it's Sheriff," she corrected automatically.

"And I see you've taken it upon yourself to hoard my time."

"Well, when you put it like that... It makes me oh so pleased that I'm desired," Emma replied with an accomplished grin.

Regina blinked, taken aback by the sudden innuendo. A heartbeat later, Emma's face flushed.

"Shit... Not what I meant. But really Regina? No witty retort? Don't you just want to just take all the bad in-your-endos and just barium?"

The Mayor rolled her eyes, "you're ridiculous."

Before Emma could further ponder Regina's sudden speechlessness, "now if you'd be so kind as to take your leave."

"Another dismissal, Madame Mayor? I thought we were past that," Emma mock pouted.

"Well, as you just implied, we are not. Now, do you mind?" Brown eyes flicked to the door in a wordless command. But instead of following it, much to her disdain, Emma slumped into a plush chair, resting a satchel Regina hadn't noticed previously on her lap.

"No, not at all. In fact," the blonde began as she reached into the bag, "I took it upon myself to pick up your lunch at Granny's, to save Ruby the trip."

True to her word, Emma pulled out a paper bag, brandishing it like a trophy. The Mayor, in response, nearly growled out the name of a certain waitress, but settled for just glaring unappreciatively at Emma.

Setting the paper bag on the desk, Emma then carefully procured two cups from it. Green eyes flicked between the cups uncertainly before bringing the cup in her right hand to her lips and tentatively sipping at the scalding liquid.

Tasting the familiar hot chocolate with traces of cinnamon, Emma handed the other cup to the woman on the other side of the desk, who reluctantly accepted it.

"And if you had guessed incorrectly...?" the Mayor drawled slowly, cautiously sniffing at her cup of what appeared black coffee.

"Then I would've had a mouthful of that awful stuff- how do you even tolerate that bitterness? Is it because it matches your soul?" A wink followed, ensuring the brunette didn't take offense.

"Inquisitive, aren't we, Sheriff Swan?" Regina shot back. "I'm aware that your job requires you to be nosy, but I can assure you that there is no need to pry into my life."

Emma hummed, leaning forward in her chair to retrieve her own lunch from the bag sitting on the majestic desk. Pulling out two small foam containers, she couldn't help but allow a grin to appear upon feeling the warmth that emanated from the box against her palm.

"Miss Swan, if the contents of those containers are what I believe they are, I will not tolerate you eating anywhere near this building," Regina glowered.

Opening a box after switching them around, Emma pointedly took a large bite from her grilled cheese and moaned tauntingly. "Such a child," Regina muttered under her breath as she moved to grab the salad she had ordered this morning from the bag.

"Coming from the one who just _had_ to verbalize their insult, I don't think it means much," Emma said between bites of her cheesy sandwich.

"Oh, you're capable of thinking on your own now? Who would have guessed!" came the immediate reply, as she stabbed a leaf with her plastic fork with a little more aggression than required.

Emma nearly made a stupid comment in the leaf's defense, but instead chose to defend herself: "I am capable of thinking! It's just around you, my mind goes blank! So it's _your_ fault!"

"Yeah, well I don't find myself mentally stimulated around you either!"

The room went quiet, the only noises coming from the two angrily mutilating their food. That is, until their words sunk in.

"Did you just admit that I affect your thoughts?" - "Did you just say you can't think around me?" they asked simultaneously, wide-eyed.

Emma and Regina flushed, both opting to stare at their lunch rather than each other. "Let's just... This is a bit too awkward.. Should we just forget this evening?" Emma muttered, the remains of her grilled cheese returning to its foam home.

"Yeah, that's probably for the best," the Mayor responded in an uncharacteristic quietness.

Emma sighed in relief, causing the tense atmosphere to dissipate. After closing the lid, the Sheriff shifted her focus to her remaining box, which she knew contained a treat of the gods...

Once the bear claw was released from its confinement, she couldn't help but to flaunt her treat, despite knowing that Regina would merely insult her.

"Very mature, Miss Swan," Regina sneered. "Now if you don't mind getting that deep fried complex carbohydrates abomination out of my face-"

Instead of pulling the pastry away, she stuffed it into the Mayor's mouth. Emma couldn't help but crumple back into the chair as her body shook uncontrollably in laughter. As the high class woman continued to stare at the blonde in horror, the Sheriff barely managed to pull her cell from her pocket and snap a picture.

Finally recovering from the shock, Regina blinked. Clearly she had to reprimand the idiot, but first she would have to deal with the pastry protruding from her lips.

Spitting it out would both disgust herself and cause Emma to mock her- she's be far too amused to be revolted like any normal being, however Regina _had_ seen the cluttered interior of her Bug- but on the other hand eating the sugary treat would give the annoying woman the satisfaction of watching the Mayor eat a bear claw after months of attempts.

Forced into a corner, the brunette slowly began to chew after biting off the excess, gingerly placing it on a napkin. Despite desperately wanting to find the bear claw disgusting, she, much to her own displeasure, enjoyed the morsel.

"Miss Swan," Regina growled once she was finished. "The next time you go sticking things into my mouth- I mean defiling... _Dammit_."

Emma had sobered up as she prepared herself for a lecture, but upon hearing the unintentional innuendoes, lost it again. By the time she managed to stop howling with laughter, tears were streaming down her cheeks and she was gasping for breath.

"Will you leave me be now that I've fulfilled my duty in amusing you?" Regina asked with a scowl.

"Oh come on! You've gotta admit that it was hilarious," Emma grinned.

As Regina continued glaring at the imbecile, Emma seemed to clam up instantly, her smile shifting into a weak frown.

"I promise to behave, for the remainder of this visit; just don't kick me out yet. I don't think I can handle one more call complaining about a loose dog or something else completely out of my jurisdiction."

Emma wasn't pouting, nor pleading with her eyes. She just revealed her cards without flourish; she knew Regina wouldn't be appreciative of begging. Well, other then to get an ego boost.

Regina sighed thoughtfully, her eyes scrutinizing Emma's face for any hint of deceit or begging. "I suppose you may as well stay around, as there is no longer enough time to do something productive."

Emma's smile returned as she leaned back into the chair and shifted topics. "So... Did you like the bear claw?"

Regina, whom was unprepared for the abrupt change, hesitated before replying. "... No, of course not; it was overly sweet and far too sticky."

"You had to think about it- you're lying! You _totally_ enjoyed it!" Emma rushed to say, practically jumping in her seat.

"Once again you're acting like a teenager, Miss Swan. It's starting to affect my opinion of you; which isn't very high to begin with."

"How nice, to consider me beneath you," Emma replied with a barely audible huff.

The blonde blushed, silently cursing herself. "There must be some kind of virus going around," she muttered weakly.

"An innuendo virus? Seems much more likely that your just crude," Regina uttered with a glare.

"Hey! You said one too, so don't you dare blame this all on me!"

Seething, the Mayor barely refrained from kicking Emma out, instead parting her lips to switch subjects. That is, until the idiot shoved something a stick-like object into Regina's mouth.

"Didn't we _just_ talk about this?" she asked in a lethally low tone, pushed far past her limits. Or at least she tried to; it came out far too muffled for her liking.

The smile Emma displayed was so wide, that Regina knew it would hurt. And despite the fact that the Sheriff was clenching her teeth to prevent from laughing, Regina almost found her endearing. Almost.

With an internal sigh, the brunette allowed her irritation to slip from her mind as she nibbled on the offending chocolate covered biscuit.

Once again, she was startled to find that Emma hadn't fed her awful tasting things. Not that she enjoyed being fed, nor Miss Swan's presence. Because she _certainly_ did not.

"What is this called?" Regina asked cautiously, removing the stick after taking a bite to examine it.

"Pocky," Emma answered as she pulled the small box into the Mayor's view. "You must like it since you haven't set me on fire... Yet."

There was silence as Regina returned to nibble on the Pocky to buy her time to formulate a response. "Very perceptive of you, Miss Swan, however, I'm merely contemplating how I would inform Mary Margaret of your untimely demise," she threatened.

The blonde perceived it as teasing as there was a peculiar lack of bite. "Yeah, yeah. You would've done it a long time ago, if you really wanted to. So, you must like having me around." She waggled her eyebrows.

"With your attitude, not to mention stench? No, rather your delivery services are subpar."

Emma hummed, vaguely noticing that Regina was no longer holding a stick of Pocky, and held up the box towards her, allowing the brunette to take a couple.

Minutes pass as they munch on their respective treats, a comfortable silence befalling them. Until Regina reached for the last Pocky, that is.

She must've known, as she smirked victoriously at Emma, flaunting the stick, waving it around much like Emma had with the Bear claw. "Hand it over, or I swear..." Emma glared, setting the now empty box aside.

"You'll do what?" Regina answered, lifting the Pocky to her lips and nipping off the tip.

"I'll... I'll.." Emma drew blanks, and instead continued glaring at the woman, glowering as Regina let the Pocky hang from her painted red lips.

Regina believed that she had won, so it was surprising when Emma launched herself forward, latching onto the biscuit end of the Pocky.

The proximity went unnoticed, despite that the other's breath washed over their lips. Instead, another challenge began: who could eat the most.

Looking back on it, if either had been thinking logically, they would have realized that their mouths were drawing closer with each chomp. But their stubbornness hadn't let them back down, and both were thoroughly startled when their lips met. Even more so when a voice sounded from the doorway.

Two sets of eyes flicked towards the door, without pulling away, to discover Henry grinning. "I knew it! I can't believe it took you two this long to get together, with all the looks and touches... I totally ship it!"

Regina and Emma were baffled. "Ship .. It..? What..?"

Their eyes met, and finally regaining their senses, each jolted backwards as if zapped. Both blushed, casting their gaze to the floor.

"I don't think I'll be able to forget this occurrence.." Emma muttered bashfully. "You should've known that I wouldn't have gone down on you without a fight!"

"Miss Swan!" Regina gasped, her gaze snapping up to the blonde. "There are children present," she uttered quietly, just loud enough for Emma to hear.

The Sheriff opened her mouth to utter a final apology, but as she lifted her gaze to meet Regina's, the smirk that caught her eyes revealed all that needed to be said.


End file.
